Die in the roses

Am I pursue something I passionate about?

Seems not. 

Contemporary art. Seems everyone studying fine art today is making contemporary works. Works talk about emptiness, money, efficiency, politics,and irony.

I know I'm not accurate, maybe it's me who think about those things everyday.

But suddenly I'm supposing a lifestyle.

Like Borges' "A wearing man's utopia". An impossible lifestyle.

I will learn drawing very finely. almost like a painter in old days. 

I will learn making wooden ornaments very finely. almost like a craftsman.

I will learn playing music very finely. almost like a court musician.

I will learn taking photos very finely. almost like Daguerre and Bresson.

I will learn writing very finely. almost like a calligrapher and Shakespears.

Then I shall fall in love with Art again.

Everything's new in the world. I pretend.

I need to learn from zero. Not too fast, I need to progress very slowly. Absorb slowly. Carefully. Endlessly...

90's

I wish I could live in 90's at my age now.

Giant sky-scrapers, young people crush on rock, white-collar's a
brand new honorable occupation, people start to learn how to use computer,slightly oversized clothes are the most fashionable, cosmetic advertisement show the feminine example of the new age...

I finally know why people do feel nostalgic from time to time.

For me, that's because I feel lonely and boring again now.

It's very precious if something keeps parallel with you.
Like that tiny window lit on the building in my window view.
It always keep lighted, every time when I remember of it and take a look if it's still on... Like respond to me, even it never showed any accessibility or hospitality to me, it's always waiting there.Strangely, it becomes my soul mate. Even we are not the same species.

I don't want to be a curator, neither a critic, neither a magazine correspondent...Even these days, I always use these labels to categorize my future.

Look, my English is so crap, but I don't want to correct my faults deliberately... Even only one person can understand it, enough.

I don't want to be a hermit neither anymore. Now I only hope I can grow up with this century, coz now from my window, it seems a little bit like street scenes in the 90's.